So this is the continuation of my graduation story which begins in the post below. Even if you don’t feel like reading all of it there are some cute pictures– scroll down.

Before I start on the next part of the story, I saved one other picture because I didn’t want it to get buried down at the bottom. Every now and then I get a picture of him (in this case, A took the picture) that I just adore beyond measure. This is one of them

Okay is that not too cute for words? I’m going to get this blown up big and hang it on his wall, lest he ever start to think about attending another University.

And on with the story…

Well it’s now nearly 11pm May 1st and I haven’t really slept since, oh, I guess it was Thursday night. Yeah, I didn’t sleep. I couldn’t sleep. I remember listening to Andrew breathe in the pack n play a few feet away. And I watched the clock as it turned 1am, 2am, 3am, 4am… well you get the picture. I may have dozed off slightly between 5 and 6 but then it was time to get up, dress, repack the room and reload the car. We did in fact manage to get 4 people, one of whom being a 20 month old, completed dressed in nice clothes, with everything loaded by 7:08 am which I think is pretty damn impressive. A even got pulled over on the way back north but managed to squeak by with a warning. I had just finished getting my cap situated on my head and my hair looking okay when the FHP guy stops us. He takes a look at us and goes, “Y’all headin’ to a weddin’?” Umm… it’s the new look. Mortarboards instead of veils. It’s all the rage. Eh, I guess that’s being pretty rich of me to joke considering he let us go without writing what would have undoubtedly been a very hefty ticket.

We made it there in time and then began the nerve wracking “radio silence”. Okay so not really but in the instructions for graduates which I read no less than 10 times, it said not to bring anything and not wanting to lose my phone I figured it was safer in the car. So we picked a meeting place (the giant oak tree outside the O Dome) and I hopped out of the car. Now here’s the insanely stupid part, one I’m almost afraid to admit. I go to pull on the gown and didn’t realize it had these funky sleeves with deep pointy pockets (like, picture Death minus the hood and the scythe). I went to stick my hands in and realized it was stitched and thought, “Oh crap, they forgot to put holes in mine!” (Yeah remember how I hadn’t had any sleep ) I quickly realized of course it had holes and THEN what a perfect place those sleeves would have been to put my phone! Sheesh!

Well I wandered around for a while and then it hit me that I didn’t know a damn person in the place. Wow talk about lonely– sit through God knows how many hours without talking to anyone? I started looking around for someone who looked friendly, determined not to be completely boring the whole time. But everyone seemed to be in a huddle with their friends. I wandered over to the basketball practice courts and found my spot next to the other light blue hooded people with the College of Education. I was standing near a woman, someone who looked outside the traditional college age range. She was alone, too. Then she offered to fix my hood for me. I told her I was so thankful because I didn’t know anyone. She said she didn’t either, that she’d done her whole degree online. Well long story short (ha who am I kidding?) She was not only my classmate from my final course but also my PARTNER in the final section. Talk about small world and random chances!

The ceremony started and we processed out. The pictures aren’t much to see… I’m just a little dot. They did all the Doctorate degrees first (which took forever) and then started on the Master’s degree candidates. Here’s me walking across the stage followed by a zoomed in version of the same picture.

Have you ever tried so hard to remember something that it made the memory slip out of your mind even faster? That was kinda how it was for me. It felt a little like slow motion walking across the stage. Now I realize at this point I’ve been typing these posts for nearly an hour and you’re like, geeze lady all you did was get a Master’s degree. But it was kinda more than that. And this is where I’ll tell the other part of the story in the most cryptic way possible.

See, I’ll get back to the graduation stuff (there’s not much more to tell really) but first I want to head down a different path for a minute. See back in 2004, I found out that there was a job available at my school but I lived in NJ. I had been married just around a year and things were going well in that aspect of my life but I was lonely and depressed about not having a real job or purpose in life and A was TDY almost constantly so I was completely by myself most of the time in a strange state with nothing to do besides work at Pottery Barn. So when the job opened I knew in my heart that I had to have it and A was nothing but 100% supportive, willing to live away from me to make it work. So from the very first moment I started at my school I took a leap of faith to get there.

And in many ways every single aspect of my career and this path that I’ve been on with getting my degree has all been about faith. And those times that I wasn’t sure I could do it, it was all about faith. So this past week, when my boss approached me with, I don’t even know what to call it– a proposal of sorts, I felt again that I was being led by the Holy Spirit. Now those of you who know me, even those who know me really really well, know that I don’t get outwardly religious often. It’s a very private thing for me. But this particular moment felt so strong that I’m certain my prayers for guidance were being answered on the spot. You see, not knowing who exactly reads this and having promised secrecy I will not go into the details of this proposal but suffice to say it requires yet another leap of faith.

So as I turn back to my graduation story, understand that this isn’t about graduation much at all as it is about the closure of one life chapter, the transition to the next chapter and the faith involved in the whole process. Because as I look back on every major life milestone I’m finally starting to see how everything pieces together and that may very well be a miracle in and of itself.

So I walked across the stage and believe me when I say I’m not exaggerating this or trying to be dramatic but I felt like everything slowed down and got quiet.

I had told myself, “listen to where the shouts are coming from, then you’ll know where they’re sitting” but I didn’t hear anything at all. I shook hands 4 times and said thank you to each person. I was smiling. I didn’t trip and fall. The rest is a haze. I do know that I felt what I did not feel the other 2 times I have taken part in the grand tradition of graduation. I know that THIS time was different because the chapter really did end and I really do feel done and truthfully that is the most I could have possibly asked for.

The rest of the ceremony felt long. It was terribly hot under the gown and I was tired, no, exhausted, but happy. After I found everyone and we walked back to the car. While they were waiting, A took a few more pictures of Andrew in front of the Bull Gator. He had been so excited last night when I told him that today we’d see more Gators. In fact he woke up asking about them.

“Touchdown!”

And of course more Chomp (Can’t wait to bring him to his first game!)

Then we went and took a few more pictures after. This was a neat drive by photo. I jumped out of the car and A took the picture from the window as he was driving. Impressive! And here’s where I’ve gotta say he did everything in his power to make today absolutely the best! He definitely succeeded beyond my wildest expectations!

I also have a picture here after my undergrad graduation. I need to find it at some point.

Sign on campus

And one last one of me

This evening, A surprised me. We went out to dinner and instead of it just being us I showed up to find my whole family was there– EVERYONE! This is what I never got the first two times around. I got everyone together all in one place plus two very dear friends. I couldn’t ask for more than this.

They say nothing’s perfect. But today was. And I can only hope and continue to pray that the start of this next story, this next journey of faith, will be as wonderful and as filled with hope and promise as today.

Well it has been the type of day you never forget and I mean that in a really good way.

This promises to be a long entry, mostly because this is for me and I don’t want to forget it.

I guess you could say it kinda all started back in 1999. It was the day before my high school graduation and though it was not altogether unexpected, I received the news that my grandmother had passed away. She had been sick and it was not so much a terrible shock as it was a sense of emptiness of losing someone close to me. We went to her funeral 2 days after I graduated. By that point I had decided I was done with everything related to high school and I didn’t want to think about them anymore. I didn’t even bring my yearbook to get signed– not a single signature in my senior year yearbook. I thought about my grandmother and her funeral and heading off to college and graduation itself was a blur.

Fast forward 3 1/2 years. After what remains to be 3 1/2 of the most amazing years of my life spent in Gainesville I graduated on December 21, 2002 in what proved to be a bittersweet (mostly bitter) cold and windy but crystal clear winter day. I recall the exact outfit I was wearing, and the friends I was sitting next to. I remember the stress of moving my remaining possessions home with me after the ceremony ended and I remember many family arguments. I don’t even remember at this point, what they were about. All I know was that after 3 of the happiest years of my life living in a place where I finally felt like I discovered the who I really was, I just remember the stress and the arguing and the going home and feeling completely empty. It felt like I’d just spent all this time finding the true me and then losing it all over again. Every time I went home during college for Christmas or the summer it was always a transition period, a limbo between happiness for being home and longing desperately to go back. It’s not so much that I was a different person in each city. I certainly was not. But just that there is an irreplaceable feeling of pulling off I-75 on Archer Road and driving into town and feeling like anything is possible. That’s the magic, the pull, the addiction of being a college student.

And when I left I knew I wasn’t done. I knew one day I’d go back and that it would undoubtedly be at Florida because even though I nearly went to U of Maryland, somehow I always knew I could only be a Gator. And I knew I needed another shot at graduation and having real closure on that chapter of my life. So when I applied for my Master’s degree program, in the back of my mind I knew from the split second I got my acceptance letter that I would attend the final ceremony. I would understand it more fully and appreciate it more deeply.

So when the time finally came to graduate I knew this was my last shot at getting it right.

And I’ve gotta say that’s a lot of pressure to put on one single event but it was perfect in every way.

Yesterday we left on our drive to Gainesville. This was to be Andrew’s first visit. I knew when I had him that one day he’d get to visit my former home and I knew that graduation would be the perfect first time. We started at the bookstore. Oh how I wish the new bookstore had been around when I was there on campus. There is an undeniable feeling of academia everywhere on campus but nowhere else do you feel it as much as when you’re surrounded by BOOKS.

I had had these anxiety ridden dreams that I would get there and they would have no record of me. I guess that’s part of doing an online degree program. I knew the people really did exist somewhere and it certainly helped that I could recall the buildings and places as well as the basic policies and procedures but the fact remains, until yesterday I never once spoke to a person face to face and so I was a little worried I had somehow made a mistake. There was even a dream once where I imagined it all. It’s not like there is more proof when you physically attend class. No actually I’ve left a digital trail 10 miles long from this program. But sometimes when you don’t deal with people in person you start to disassociate yourself from the whole process. I guess I’m not really explaining this too well. It’s pretty hard to describe. I wonder if any one else who has done this felt this way. I tend to think they have.

But worries were needless (as they often are for me). And my cap and gown (and hood!) were ready and waiting. I got my portrait taken and I also had one taken with Andrew and A. Afterall, they were such a huge part of this whole thing. I know all my children will be special and God willing that I have more, I know that Andrew, aside from being my first precious child, will always hold the unique place of being my graduate school baby. He went through this whole thing with me. And in some ways, suffered my stress, my anxiety, my workload right along with me by missing time he could have spent with me had I not been preoccupied with finishing. Today was every bit as much about him as it was me, at least in my mind. So anyway, I got the pictures done and picked up a cap and gown and off we went to visit Century Tower, for those who didn’t know me then, A proposed under Century Tower, on a cold rainy Saturday in February in front of all my friends. It was and remains to be the most amazing surprise, no, the most amazing ANYTHING anyone has ever done for me.

So naturally, we had to go there! Here’s A showing Andrew where it happened:

Then taking a seat on the bench along the side.

Then we walked through UMA to the area where the band used to warm up on Game Day before the march to the stadium. We had to wait for 3 girls to get done with their “photo shoot”. I definitely felt a little self-conscious when we were standing there waiting for them because I don’t really look older to most people without any points of comparison but I felt 29 when I’m standing there next to these 22 year olds in cocktail dresses who were most definitely without children. Actually, I guess self-conscious is the wrong word because I felt more proud than anything.

Finally it was our turn to take pictures. At first Andrew was very tentative around the ah-gee-ya (alligator). It had not occurred to me that he would not understand it was fake. He didn’t cry or fuss like he was scared but he was not in a hurry to touch it either.

“Mommy! Ah-gee-ya!”

“Are you sure about this?”

Finally, I convinced him it was okay to touch it and we sat on the Gator which is a pretty generic picture but hey, we needed to have one.

So then I wanted to get a picture of him hugging the gator. Now I can’t really explain why I thought this would be so cute but I wanted the picture. So A decided to show him it was okay to hug the gator.

STILL not convinced he gives it a shot…

The hilarious part (at least for me) was when he finally stood up, satisfied that it was indeed safe to hug (and on his own accord, kiss) the gator, and he turns to me and say, “ok Mommy, Ah-gee-ya sleeping”

OOooooohhhh my dear child!! He now thinks the gator was safe to touch because it was sleeping. My dear God in heaven, please do not let my child ever come across a living Gator. He will undoubtedly rush up to give it a kiss on the snout!

Of course he did some Chomp too…

We finished with the pictures, walked back to the car and then went out to dinner. I have got to say, Gainesville has so many more restaurants than it did when I was there. I don’t think I would have been able to survive with that many good places to eat. I was so dirt poor as it was the first time around. We ate at Fridays or Chili’s a lot because that was pretty much all there was. Now there is every restaurant I’ve ever heard of and plenty I haven’t. We picked Carrabba’s for pre-Graduation dinner. Andrew was getting very tired though so we ate fairly quickly and headed back south to Ocala because I waited too long to get a hotel room and they were completely booked solid anywhere near the city.

Just as we arrived at the hotel it started to POUR down rain and I do mean pour. We got soaked carrying everything up to the room but when all was said and done the 4 of us (my mom was with us too) got in bed for the evening and I had the sense that I was mere inches away, after having come miles, for this final event.

To Be Continued….

Well the title says it all. Yesterday, January 30, 2010 marks our first trip to the hospital for an Andrew injury. He made it exactly 1 year, 5 months 1 week and 6 days. Which isn’t a record overall but sure is for our family. I can only imagine that a) this will be the first of many trips and b) that mommy and daddy can only do better from here on out.

So here’s what happened, and it’s so mundane it’s hard to imagine how it could possibly have been prevented. It was around Andrew’s afternoon snack time. He gets a cup of milk and usually a few apple slices or Cheerios. So A. handed him his sippy cup of milk and an apple slice, not unlike what he or I do on a regular basis. He walked into the other room, slipped on the floor the way babies do and fell forward. What he did amounted to biting his lip. Only, he bit the hell out of it. There was so much blood that at first I was sure all his teeth had fallen out and been swallowed. There were several minutes of “oh my God, check his mouth again, are you sure he has all his teeth still?” But then we realized that yes, he did in fact have his teeth and that the blood (and OH the blood) was coming from the holes he’d made in the space between his lower lip and his chin– really right below his lip line. He’d bitten right through. We knew his teeth were sharp but this is clear proof. I’m considering putting a sign on my door that says “Beware of the Child”. Thankfully he’s not a biter!

So anyway, he calmed down and I wiped him off and as an aside, yes I did manage to wash all the blood out of his clothing thankyouverymuch, I must be what is that word again? Oh yes, domestic. I thought he was going to be okay but the pediatrician on call told us to take him to the After Hours Emergency clinic. Well now I for one didn’t think we should go. He was perfectly calm at that point and the bleeding had stopped but A. thought he should go. He told me to stay home and get some rest (which I desperately needed). So I did, I stayed home and fell asleep thinking he’d be back 20 minutes later with some derma-bond on his lip. Instead I get a semi-frantic call which led to me getting in the car and racing down there for what I wasn’t sure. That’s when I finally hear the word “stitches”. Yup, my baby got his first stitches. Two of them.

I’m proud to say he’s handling it like a champ. Better than his blubbering parents. I mean, who can handle seeing their child strapped down to a board in a straight jacket like contraption while their child’s face is stitched up? Well if you can you’re a stronger person than we are. I have to give daddy a lot of credit because he was actually there for all of it and I got there as they were finishing up. It pains me to think that I wasn’t there for him but I honestly thought it wasn’t that bad. Just goes to show what I know. And since he didn’t even make it to age 1 1/2 before needing his first stitches I cringe as I say, next time I’ll do better as a mommy. I just hope next time is a LONG time from now.

Several years ago, we went to Downtown Disney around Christmas time which is one of my favorite things to do. This is before we had Andrew and really before we were even thinking about kids but we went into the giant toy store anyway. They had this humongous display of Mr. Potato head parts. You could buy a box for about 20 bucks and stuff it with as many parts at it would hold from the giant potato head buffet.

Naturally I wanted to get my money worth so my brother and I spent 30 minutes off in the corner of the store packing the box to the point where it may well have been close to spontaneous combustion. The woman gave me an annoyed look at the check out– sweet vindication from getting my money’s worth out of Disney! Haha!

Well of course I got it home and dressed up the potato head and thought, “now what”? Yeah, that’s what happens when adults buy toys. I put all the pieces in a basket on the shelf in our bedroom which is where it sat until now.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

I love the layout of our home. Except now that we’ve lived here 4.5 years I’ve started to notice some of the quirks. For example, I’m certain that whoever designed the master bathroom did not have children. This is because there is no door on the master bathroom. Yes, the room for the toilet has a door but the shower and bathtub are open to the bedroom. When Andrew was tiny he sat in his bouncy seat while we showered or got dressed. Then as he outgrew the bouncy seat we moved the jumper into the bathroom. But now that he’s 15 months old and weighs 25 pounds he has outgrown all his containment devices. We are left to allow him to roam free or scream his head off in the crib. We baby proofed the room and went for the scream free option.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

So you may see where I’m going with this excessively and inappropriately long story.

Andrew discovered the Mr. Potato Head basket and all the parts. He waltzes over to the basket as though it was put there for him. And maybe on some level it was, even though I didn’t know that several years ago.

He has his favorite parts. Noses and eyes, various hats, arms, lips and glasses. He carries them around the house and they have slowly infiltrated every room, every crevice, every drawer or cabinet. Only it is just a part or two here or there. I find eyeballs on the stair case and an arm in my bedside table. It is like a twisted toy massacre as I find body parts all over my house. I doubt we’ll ever find where he’s hidden them all until we move out and even then we very well may leave a part or two behind. It’s just a good thing that all those years ago, I spent that quality time ensuring that I fit every single possible piece in that box so that I could now provide endless hours of entertainment for my son

Since this year has been both the greatest and most exhausting year of my life, I thought I’d take a few minutes to write about the things I have learned about motherhood. In no particular order….

1. Eat something before you head to the hospital. They really don’t let you eat or drink anything there. It’s tough to summon the energy to push a baby out when you haven’t eaten in 24+ hours.

2. Spending 9 months worrying about delivery is a big waste of worrying. Labor Amnesia kicks in before you can feel your legs again.

3. Epidurals are every bit as wonderful as I expected them to be.

4. Baby boys have no control over where they pee and will not stop even if they are hitting themselves in the face.

5. Cats and babies are okay together as long as the cat has a good 6-9 months to get used to it being there before the baby is mobile. At that point they realize they’re stuck with the thing. I must also add that cats are passive aggressive little creatures who will make their feelings known even if in subtle ways such as chewing the nipples off bottles or destroying teethers.

6. Milestones come when you least expect them. Worrying about when a baby will sit up or crawl or walk is silly. Just when you think it will never happen, they get up and walk across the room. Just because I know this doesn’t mean I won’t worry anyway.

7. Just because the parents are small doesn’t mean the baby will be.

8. You should never underestimate the strength of a baby who doesn’t want to be changed. Things that you never imagined you’d let your baby chew on become great toys when you need a distraction for this particular occasion.

9. Bath time can be considered an aerobic workout.

10. Travel systems are not necessary. Get the stroller frame and the bucket seat. Then switch to an umbrella stroller (I recommend the Maclaren)

11. All the stuff you get at your baby shower is awesome for the first few months when you realize you need a whole new set of stuff.

12. An 8 pound baby can take up more space than 2 grown adults.

13. You will not remember anything about the first month of your child’s life unless you write it down and take pictures. You may still not remember it. Like labor, we forget these things. It’s natures way of ensuring we have more children.

14. Breastfeeding doesn’t work for everyone and if it doesn’t work for you, flipping out about it won’t help the situation. I don’t care what people say, Formula is a nutritionally perfect food. If breastfeeding was nutritionally perfect you wouldn’t have to supplement your baby’s diet with vitamins.

15. Make a point of taking a picture of your baby every single day. I had planned to do this and then didn’t do it and I wish more than anything that I had.

16. You can never take too many pictures.

17. All the things you thought you wouldn’t get done while you were pregnant and killed yourself doing in the last few weeks… waste of time. Life doesn’t cease to exist. Eventually, life continues. You will have time to do things again.

18. Sleep before the baby comes. That’s one thing you won’t be doing after it arrives.

19. You can have a baby and a clean house.

20. Napping while the baby naps is not good advice for someone anal about getting things done like me.

21. Bonding isn’t always instant. It’s okay if it’s not. It will happen.

22. Did I mention that you should take a lot of pictures.

23. People tell you that babies grow up fast and to enjoy every second of it. No truer word was ever spoken. By the time they reach a year old you’ll try to remember what they were like when they were tiny and you just can’t. They grow up before your eyes.

24. Just when you think you’ve kept everything clean and sanitized, you’ll find your baby eating cat fur and sticks.

25. You can never imagine the intensity of the love you will feel for your baby until one day you’re holding them in your arms and you feel like your heart will literally burst with the joy of knowing that you are holding the most precious being in the whole world. You will sit back and marvel at the amazing tiny child that your body created and try to imagine what the world was like before they were in it. Then you’ll realize that that world may never have existed because the only thing important now is the child in your arms and when he is there with you, everything is perfect.

Happy 1st Birthday my dear sweet precious Andrew

We had hoped it would be “kitty” and so it was! Caught him saying it on camera today. You’ll have to turn up your volume though, for whatever reason he was whispering it! Probably trying to sneak up on the “unsuspecting” furballs! [youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=38xNKBlMkhg&hl=en&fs=1]

Video number two: Andrew pulls up to standing and tries to break out of his baby jail. You see what I’m in for? [youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=v0bObMUGObw&hl=en&fs=1]

Ah the joys of having children!

The baby proofing adventure has been a fun one because really all baby proofing is, is trying to see which dangerous things attract your child and then removing it or blocking it off. There is also the alternative “baby jail” which would not work in my house because Andrew is not even pleased with his relatively large 3 rooms of confined space.

So I went looking for cabinet latches. For you non parents out there, these are the things that keep cabinets and drawers closed until your baby outsmarts you and figures out how to open them anyway. The price of such a contraption ranges from less than a dollar to close to $10 per latch.

There I was standing in the baby proofing aisle at Baby’s R Us and scratching my head over what to get. Back in the day, my mom had the little plastic things that you push down to open the cabinet. Annoying but you get used to them. Then, my sister in law gave us some of the magnetic (ie: expensive) kind left over from when my nephew was too young not to know he shouldn’t drink windex and stuff like that. I was tempted to buy more magnetic ones but decided in the end that the 7 pack of plastic ones for less than $3 was the way to go for our budget.

Fast forward to this morning when I tripped over a pacifier that one of the cats had taken out of the sink and dragged across the house. I realized that this was not a rare occurrence and that on a daily basis the cats move and hide things (like my glasses, or keys, or items of food left on the counter). Good thing I don’t need a special magnetic key to open my cabinets or I fear all my toilet paper, toothpaste and household bleach would be locked away in a bizzare time capsule for the rest of all eternity.

So when you’re off searching the aisles for ways to latch your doors, toilets, cabinets, and closets shut and out of the grasp of little hands, just think about what little paws can also do to make your life a little more difficult.

I’ve received a few requests for Andrew pictures to be posted outside of facebook so that everyone can see them. So, thanks to a nifty new feature from Photobucket here is my album, “The Best of Andrew”.

If you’re looking for my introduction, scroll down to the next post.

I love it when we change the clocks forward an hour. The loss of one hour of sleep is so worth gaining an extra hour of light in the evening. It makes me feel like summer is already here!

I love it when the dishwasher is full enough that I don’t have to wash bottles by hand and I can just stick them in there and run it.

I love it when my cat Rosie jumps in bed with me and remembers not to step ON me but rather walks around me.

I love it when I get to dress Andrew in the morning.

I love it when the weather changes for the first day of a new season, like the first day it goes from being hot to being cold there is usually a rain storm and then you know it’s time to bring out the sweaters. It’s the same in the spring when you wake up in the morning and you don’t need to drag the blanket with you to stay warm.

I love it when Andrew lets me sleep past 7:30 on a Saturday.

I love it when the stores start selling school supplies in August.

I love it when I take a really good picture, the kind that you just want to keep looking at again and again. I especially love it when it’s the last picture I’ve taken, it’s like somehow I knew I just needed that one last shot.

I love it when my house is clean, the laundry is done and folded, and everything is where it’s supposed to be.

I love it when it’s football season.

I love the sound waves make when they hit the shore.

I love the sound of pure silence, something I haven’t heard since I went to the Grand Canyon last March and something I don’t expect to hear again until I go back.

I love Andrew’s smile.

I love going to bed knowing I accomplished something really important. It’s not happening tonight but I know it will soon. I love knowing that the best is yet to come.

Another Andrew Video (at least they are short, right?)

I swear he’s going to knock the thing over!

Jumping Away [youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ObEc88yc_Ck&hl=en&fs=1]