C.R.A.P. Awards

Posted On June 14, 2006

It’s time for my self proclaimed first annual Completely Ridiculous And Pointless Awards (also known as the CRAP Awards). I feel it’s important to waste perfectly good web space acknowledging the ludicrousness filling our society (or just my house).

CRAP Award #1: Most Ridiculous Wait Time
The honor goes to the Waste Management department for taking 16 months to deliver my recycling bins. Special recognition goes out to the approximately 637 trees that were killed in the process.

CRAP Award #2: Most Ridiculous News Story
The honor (complete with my foot up their ass) goes to the idiots who allowed over a billion dollars of Katrina funds to go to scam artists who bought sex change operations and porn videos with the money. Thanks a lot jerks. I hope next time it’s your house that blows away.

CRAP Award #3: Most Ridiculous Marking Technique
This honor goes to the station that is selling gas for 14 cents more per gallon than the one 10 yards away from it. Riiiight.

CRAP Award #4: Most Ridiculously Stupid People
This honor goes to the morons who are paying 14 cents per gallon more than they need to at the aforementioned gas station. (By the way, did the Oil Companies think we wouldn’t notice that the prices are rising again for no apparent reason?)

CRAP Award #5: Most Ridiculous Waste of My Time
This honor goes to the microscopic hole in the pipe which caused a leak in my wall. A mere centimeter of opening that has led to the removal of my carpet and 3 walls of my living room. Way to go pipe.

CRAP Award #6: Most Ridiculously Difficult Thing to Try to Learn at the Age of 25
Tap Dancing. It’s like learning another language. Only, with your feet. But harder and slightly more painful.

CRAP Award #7: Most Ridiculously Bad Summer TV Show
“Windfall”. Awww, you poor people, you collectively won $386 million dollars. I feel so bad for you. Your lives are so hard. This show gets to be on the air but West Wing gets cancelled? Is there no justice in the universe?