How to Nap With Children

I used to think about how lucky stay at home moms were to be able to take naps during the day. Now that I’m home with kids and not working, I’ve gotta tell you it’s not quite that simple but in a few easy steps you too, can master the art of napping while your children are awake. I can tell you I did this just the other day and I thoroughly enjoyed all 18 minutes of it.

 

Step 1, and this is the most important one: change your definition of a nap. Do you think of a nap as a restful, rejuvenating sleep? Well then it’s time to lower your expectations. A nap with children is defined as

Nap (verb) a period of time where one has their eyes closed in proximity of a bed or other soft flat surface.

There are we clear on that now? Okay on to the next step.

Step 2: find a childproofed room. Enclose self and children in said room.

Step 3: instruct older child not to leave room. Explain that doing so will result in the demise of Mickey Mouse.

Step 4: cover floor area with toys.

Step 5: if the room contains a bed, use this as your napping location. Be sure to check for Hotwheels cars under the covers.

Step 6: assist older child in using the bathroom.

Step 7: return to napping location.

Step 8: find missing part to the must have toy of the moment.

Step 9: return to napping location

Step 10: change poopy diaper

Step 11: return to napping location

Step 12: tune brain to emergency frequency. This is the essential step which allows you to safely ignore vague giggles, general toy noise and casual conversation. It allows you to become alert upon hearing things like, “Hey Allison,wanna fly?”

Step 13: close eyes

Step 14: nap (see definition above)

Step 15: warn older child that he is not to make his sister fly, jump off furniture, or play with drum set.

Step 16: give up

Step 17: convince yourself that your 18 minutes of “rest” were relaxing and rejuvenating.

Step 18: drink coffee and carry on with your day.

See, it’s easy!! I know right now you’re thanking me. You’re so welcome 🙂

Happy napping!

 

(No children were harmed in the writing of this post. It’s supposed to be funny so laugh. And leave comments cause that makes me happy. Don’t go calling child protective services on me now.)

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