Dear Economy

Dear American Economy,

You have sucked for a while and I have been trying endlessly to spend my money to help you out but you insist on repeatedly making the same mistakes. No I’m not talking about bank failures and the mortgage crisis, I’m talking about basic consumer products. Take heed of the following complaints:

Despite my attempts to purchase new clothing for work, stores continue to sell ugly, overly trendy clothing that is either too stuffy or too casual for the work environment. Casual clothes remind me of what I wore in middle school only worse because I’m no longer in middle school and I prefer not to relive those days.

Moms of little boys would LOOOOOOOVE to have a selection of clothing equal to that of the selection provided to girl mommies. I hate that I walk into a store and 90% of it is girlyfied while the remaining 10% is a mixture of halloween costumes and boy clothes. Oh, and I don’t want to put my little boy in a hideous argyle sweater vest, okay? He’s not 80 he’s 1. Don’t get me started on the selection of boy shoes.

Products in general are sucking lately. When was the last time something new and exciting came out on the market, not just your same old upgraded crap from before. I’m ready for something truly innovative that I can save up my money for but nope, same old crap. Oh and why must the iphone be sold only on AT&T? More barriers to consumer spending…

Let’s talk about food and more importantly service. How is it, that when restaurants are hurting for patrons I am still getting such shitty service? I would think places would be bending over backwards to keep my business. If I have to deal with another rude server I’m going to get up and leave right then and there.

And the food? What’s with the mediocre, tasteless, overly salty foods? I’m so bored with eating out. It used to be such a luxury and now I’d rather stay home and make my own tasteless, dull food.

Straighten up and I’ll be back to spending. I’d be willing to bet a lot of people would be back to spending. But in the meantime, you can just keep on sucking because I’m staying home and saving my money which is the last thing you want anyone to do.

Yours truly,
Disgruntled Patron

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